Waking up each day, grateful to be alive and then…nothing. Staring at my day’s to-do list, my year’s resolutions and my life goals, and uncertainty hits me – why do it anyway? In the end, I’ll just be dust. Nothing to be remembered for unless I erect the 21st century equivalent of the Colosseum. Even then, who remembers who built that ancient wonder? We know … Continue reading The Futility of It All
Last year, I spoke of things I wanted to achieve in 2017 (here’s where you can find the post: 2016 – The Year That Was) 2017 was a year of hits and misses. I said I’d go vegetarian for a week. I didn’t. I said I’d quit coffee for good. I did. Several times. I wanted to write 100 posts on my blog. I did … Continue reading 2017: The Year That Was
I didn’t think I had any poetry left in me. I was so many smiles on the outside, so many shards on the inside. Then you, with your art, with your poetry, found me. That ship of yours, floating wherever it was, found my shore. I thought I was an island, made of broken shells and lost pebbles. But your visit brought out my wild. … Continue reading You Found Me
As far as conversations go, ones with Daz are always refreshing. Illuminating. They rescue me when I’m sinking. What adds an element of fun here, and which is why I never turn down an offer to meet the man, is that I am so easily in my element with him, my universe contracts to just the conversation we share. Very few people bring that side of … Continue reading On The Future
The angst of an artist is the same as that of a scientist. The thirst for more never ceases. Imagination never ceases. The quest for building bigger and better masterpieces never ceases. But what if the creative genius or the brain of a brilliant scientist comes with an expiry? What if 30 is the age when the physical constitution and mental faculties begin to slow … Continue reading What If I’m Too Old Already?
Too many people at the same time exhaust me. Too much energy exhausts me. I am one of those who when asked what I do for fun, promptly reply, “I read.” I am also one of those who reply quite confidently, “No, I don’t like parties at all.” The truth is I have always been an introvert. Yet, I love to listen. To one person … Continue reading The Introvert Factor
Sneaking around the house, after everyone has called it a night, is not without its risks. Here’s what happens when you tip-toe around in the dead of the night. If you are me, you are certain to bump into furniture. Stubbing your toe is a given. Followed by an elbow or a shin hit. If it is a particularly unfortunate night, you will bump into … Continue reading Things That Happen When You Sneak About After Midnight
Day, Sunday. The rain, hard. My heart leaps in such weather. It craves for many things – long drives, steaming cups of coffee, the limbs of a lover intertwined with mine. But today I choose none of these. I gear myself in my windcheater instead, grab my phone and earphones and go out for a walk. A long walk. Give me a pair of good shoes … Continue reading What You Seek
Fair warning to the reader: Long rant ahead. About life. About non-life. Label it as me PMSing if you must, that is easily the most popular opinion/response I get on thoughts such as these. For others, if there are any such others, I’d love to hear from you if you have a differential diagnosis. I’ve been preoccupied lately, trying to understand the purpose of existence. … Continue reading On Existence that is the Same as Non-Existence
Your head is so consumed by thoughts that inactivity sets in. So you find an escape. By walking outdoors. By the sea front. In the rain. And what an experience! The rain kept beating at me incessantly and I kept going. The entire promenade empty, no one else daring to let the rain touch them. And all I could think of was, how much I … Continue reading Letting the Rain Wash it All Away
So much going on. Not in the physical sense. Not in the external environment. But an upheaval of emotions inside me. A constant stream of thoughts that just won’t stop. It is a combination of hurt and disappointment. Because the end came about. When I begin a story in my real life, I never imagine it ending. Or only imagine it ending in a very … Continue reading On Catharsis
The constant desire to be some place else lingers. On a hotel bed. Indulging in a foreign cuisine. Being inspired by strangers. Why does the mind not settle? Why does the existing not satiate? Why is there a desire to be larger than life, a bigger person than the one I already am? Why can’t the likes of Facebook feed the need to be inspired? … Continue reading Always the Same Desires
Even though I have a hundred tabs open on my browser and my to-do list is lengthier than all the pages contained in the Odyssey, every once in a while I find myself stuck in a rut. Not from a lack of things to do, but from a lack of motivation to do them. Time and again I return to the question – What do I … Continue reading 10 Things to Do When You Can’t Figure What to Do
“Lately, I find myself out gazing at stars Hearing guitars, like someone in love Sometimes the things you do astound me Mostly whenever you are around me” ~ Diana Krall Here’s the thing about feelings – they are transitory. One moment you are sulking, feeling small and insignificant, and the next, you are joyous, believing that nothing could be better. So like a pendulum swinging … Continue reading How Do I Feel At the Moment?
I’m sitting at Starbucks with a bunch of ladies sitting on a table next to mine, with two young kids. A boy and a girl. Both around three. Or maybe they are two two-year-olds. I’m bad at guessing ages. So the children are cranky because their mothers and a grandmother are busy chatting. What is a child supposed to do? They show more interest in … Continue reading On Teaching Children to Read
Dear Parent, I know how important it is to you to see me happy. And you believe that me being married & having kids is the answer to that.I’d like to be married and make babies some day. But I can’t tell you when that might happen or with whom or if it might happen at all. It doesn’t help that EACH DAY you find a … Continue reading An open letter to parents who keep pushing their kids to get married
This was meant to be a handwritten letter. But then it began to run into too many pages. It is also meant to be a personal note, but I thought, there’s nothing like a public declaration of love. So here goes, to the one who said, “I’m yours forever”. I don’t remember what our first hello was like. I don’t remember what my first impression … Continue reading Dear S.B.
Charles Chu reads 200 books a year (here’s how he does it). I have people on my Goodreads list who read up to 300 books in the same amount of time. I, on the other hand, read about 50 in a year. Last year I read a measly 21. I know it isn’t a numbers game. But I also know that my biggest regret, when … Continue reading I Am Reading Too Slow
July 5, 2016, was the best day of the year past. Because it was one of my worst birthdays ever. I turned 30, the half-mark goal of life (a conservative me pegs my life ending at 60), and I wanted it to be a day I remember. I was afraid that a pessimistic me would mope about how I was drifting through life aimlessly, how I … Continue reading And the Mascara Stays On
My unhappiness does not stem from tragic or unsavoury situations alone. It also comes from me having a head over my shoulders. From me having a high IQ and high standards. From my ability to think about existential questions. From my potential to see through people in a matter of minutes. From my capacity to feel every kind of emotion there is. That, I believe, is … Continue reading This Curse of Mine
If I have to pick a single word to describe the year that was – considering no major upsets or joys come my way in the one week that remains – 2016 has been all about introspection. There have been highs of the kinds I’ve never experienced before. And lows of the kind I haven’t lived since 2009. So I’ve ended up spending a lot … Continue reading 2016: The Year That Was
I loved the age when technology could not touch me, could not pervade my senses, could not creep into my personal space. If someone wanted to reach me on the phone, they would leave messages for me on my landline, and I would call back, at my leisure. When friends made plans, we didn’t end up constantly texting each other to check where they were; we … Continue reading A Girl Reduced to a Series of Texts
Not every headache one has is a migraine. Not every headache I have is a migraine. It’s a pity though that people will sometimes claim they are suffering from a migraine when it is, in most likelihood, just a bad headache. A migraine is a lot more than the usual ache at the end of a stressful day. It is a debilitating condition that strikes without … Continue reading A Migraine isn’t Just a Headache
So this post is going to be one long rant about everything that is not so good in my life at the moment. Yes, it’s a journey into self-pity. Long years past, a then good friend of mine told me, on one of my ‘feeling-blue’ days, that I was simply wallowing in self-pity. Him saying that bothered me and since then I’ve done my best to … Continue reading On Mute
How is it that it becomes the ultimate pursuit of life? As if we are reading our own life’s stories and skimming through all the pages, skipping paragraphs, flipping pages in a hurry, just to reach the end that says “happily ever after”. I grew up reading fairy-tales. And I believed them. In all sincerity. I thought the ultimate aim of life was to be rescued … Continue reading A Happy Ending?
I don’t want a happily ever after; I want a happy every day Continue reading Sanz
Dear Diary, I can’t remember what you look like! I left you somewhere three weeks ago, and now, no matter where I look, I can’t seem to find you. You contained all of my heart; everything I ever thought that I wanted to write, I penned it in, in you. But I left you by yourself for a short while. I didn’t say goodbye, because … Continue reading Where are you?
If there’s one new year resolution I make each year (and since 2013 I’ve taken it more seriously than previously), it is to read 50 books a year. Paperbacks. Ebooks. First-time reads. Reading a favourite again. Living my days in 1,000 page tomes or indulging in 100 page novellas that I can get through in less than an hour. Any format. Any genre. Any author. … Continue reading Awful Reading Count
One of my very good friends once told me that to truly connect with someone, you must assess three types of attachment – physical, mental and emotional. The same friend also said that to truly discover a person you must converse with them in three ways – meet them in person, talk to them over the phone and text them (or whatsapp, as the case may be). Over time, I … Continue reading An Accidental Connection
I tasted the ocean, and never had life felt as intense as it did in that moment of dying Continue reading Sanz
The year – 1998. The headline – Clinton Accused of Urging Aide to Lie. A seemingly innocuous statement. Politicians after all seem to be surrounded by tales of lies and deceit. But this headline from the Washington Post, was the spark that ignited the scandal that caused the impeachment of a President. What happened to the woman in the tale? People who were surfing the Internet then are … Continue reading Patient Zero of Internet Shaming
Some would call it an hour in the dead of the night, but for me, on most nights, this is the hour when I feel most alive. There is absolute silence, with an occasional bark of a dog or the screech of a car being driven by a hasty driver, shattering the quiet. But I can hope to stay away from the ringing of the … Continue reading Bewitching Hour
You have experienced enough of life to understand that all things are transitory. That which makes you miserable slowly goes away and that which hearten you, goes away…perhaps a little too quickly. Yet the one thing you never prepare yourself for, and what sane person would, is for the passing of a loved one. Aren’t people supposed to be the one constant thing? You may … Continue reading A Eulogy – Dedicated to my Grandma
… we would be a really long one. With a slight edge of grey, a lining of silver strewn on the edges. Perhaps a light drizzle, not the kind to make you feel gloomy, but the kind that takes away your pain. The streets would be nearly empty; people scattered and far in between. It would be quiet, just the sound of mist rolling over … Continue reading If we were a day…
I made myself promise that I would write more consistently, with as much vigour as I used to during college. I have been tuned to rationalise most acts that occupy my energy and time. So this is what I came up with when I asked myself why in the world should I display any enthusiasm at all about sitting in the dead of night with … Continue reading Why Write?
…like a wound inflicted by an enemy, in distaste, not in haste but slowly, as if the longer the torture, better the torment. Why should I be trapped such? Shall peace never be mine again? Must I spoil something that doesn’t even exist yet? If laughter I could have and a little warmth perhaps I shall be heartened. But is this too fantastical? And what … Continue reading It stabs
It feeds you, it leads you and just when you think things are perfect it begins to kill you. You don’t fail to find happiness. Even the smallest things will delight you. But slowly and surely life begins to creep up on you. All those moments, when you felt blessed are flicked away, like the way you’d swat at a fly. You begin to doubt yourself. … Continue reading Here’s the thing about life…
“Wow! You’re so pretty! What a lovely scarf you’ve got on.” She says all this in impeccable English. No grammatical errors, no hesitation on her part. English isn’t her first language. Nor her second. In fact, she doesn’t know much English beyond this. The only reason she speaks the language is because I do. She knows that I’m educated, a working woman, independent and secure. … Continue reading Alms for the Poor
There are nights like these, few and far in between, when I stop and stare.. stare and give myself up to that part of the night that has nothing to do with me. It is a night you want to enjoy alone and yet you’re not lonely. It is a night when you just leave behind all the hassles and struggles of the day and … Continue reading Stop and Stare
Just like in a full bloom A wind rustles the leaves Oh so gentle! Oh so musical their passage! In the next moment, just like that With a force a little more than they can handle The wind tears them apart from their branches Then these leaves flutter about Lost as they were Now breathing their last, now ready to being trampled upon My … Continue reading In Full Bloom
I have trouble dealing with my reality sometimes. Everything “outside” of me seems to be amiss. This is what happens when you stop being someone else’s responsibility (like a parent’s well-protected child) and get a life of your own. There is only one thing that I truly dislike about myself. Not my life. Not me. But the fact that I keep wanting to live some … Continue reading A Reality Check
I have in my life so far been witness to a number of terrorist incidents both in Mumbai and beyond. But nothing beats the nightmare that began 20 hours earlier. The sheer plan of action being executed by the terrorists seems brazen. Fanned out across South Mumbai targeting a hospital, a café, a railway station, a residential complex and two extremely posh and popular hotels, … Continue reading 26/11
It’s that stifling feeling again. This time it’s due to lack of association… new place, new people, graver acts, stranger gossip. It’s that feeling of being inside a bubble, watching a show from outside my own body. It’s the feeling of insecurity, of being one in too much of a crowd. It’s more than wanting to create an identity in this multitude, it’s about being … Continue reading Boxed In
Bereavement from a loved one tears at one’s heart. It leaves behind a trail of memories in its wake and an emptiness inside. There are tears, ‘what if’s’ and recalls from the past. To lose Gloria is like having lost my baby. Being with her for 7 years, ever since she was about a month old, has created bonds which now seem difficult to pen … Continue reading Goodbye Gloria
This was written in connection with something I do not wish to elaborate… but it’s the first sign of my defiance attitude…or shall I say… ‘I don’t care if I end up in the drain, as long as I’m smug and my mind is at peace.’ Its something only those with rebel instincts would understand… The day, as most days, was NORMAL. I was doing … Continue reading This Little Beast of Mine
It’s nearly the dusk of this year. As will always be, the earth will continue its cycle of orbiting around the sun (unless it’s that damned time when the universe begins to disintegrate), ushering in heat, rain & snow (if I don’t include the global warming aspect), all with the turn of the year. For me, it’s the time to pack away this year’s thoughts … Continue reading 2007: The Year That Was
I guess, just about everyone has ‘one of those days’, which I define as far from being happy, more precisely, (just to be subtle) gloomy days. What one feels (& thinks) could be extremely variable but there is no doubt, that for all, it’s like looking down into an abyss of void. I have given that feeling a life of its own…’coz it pays a … Continue reading The Lifeless Body
There was this time more than a decade ago, when I was completely care-free, full of life. The day began on an eager note and went by, as I frolicked about loving everything that came my way. My imagination then was limited but I kept accumulating my day’s thoughts at the back of my mind, which years later would come gushing back before my eyes … Continue reading The Age of Reason
I shall rip off all these clothes and bare myself And stand naked before you, the true self that I am. But to do that needs courage And I lack it. Not that I do not trust you, But that I love you. And if I bare myself You will see all that I’m not More importantly You’ll see what I am. I’m afraid of … Continue reading Let Me Be