Inspiration always struck me at the oddest of hours. Like at 2:14 in the morning. What I wouldn't give to sit on the shore, watch the waves crash against the black rocks, hear the squeaks of rats run helter-skelter. To feel the chill of a half-moon not yet willing to set, the warmth of a … Continue reading Letting Inspiration Get Away
The physical realm has no sympathy for the mental. There are cramps — painful reminders of my sex. There is a migraine — painful reminder of the fluctuating hormones. There is a swollen ankle — painful reminder of having worn the wrong shoes and walked for far too long in them. The mental though is … Continue reading Want. Must.
I miss writing. It is my form of meditation and I am apologetic about not doing it often enough. It’s never an issue with time. Nor a writer’s block. I have enough words in me, enough stories, to rage, to ravish, to remember, for an entire lifetime. And then some. Trouble is, I’m just unfaithful. … Continue reading An Apology Of Sorts
There was a thought, a random one. I kept it in a safe place. The place was raided, my thoughts paraded, and I felt naked. Question is, what do I do with the rest of my thoughts now?
Ek umar nikal gayi Phir bhi tu mujhe mila nahi A heavy heart I carry. One of unfulfilled dreams, unrequited love. I continue to carry on, still believing that someday I'll find you. Touch your skin and know it's you. But for now loneliness is starting to settle deep inside my bones. Run through my … Continue reading One Half of a Whole
I don't know what makes me, me. Is it this prison of a mind that often holds me captive in its thoughts? Or this heart that stabs me with pain with each beat? Is it this body that aches because maybe my bones are too soft? Or is it this skin that ages, reminding me … Continue reading What Makes Me, Me?
Waking up each day, grateful to be alive and then...nothing. Staring at my day's to-do list, my year's resolutions and my life goals, and uncertainty hits me - why do it anyway? In the end, I'll just be dust. Nothing to be remembered for unless I erect the 21st century equivalent of the Colosseum. Even … Continue reading The Futility of It All
Last year, I spoke of things I wanted to achieve in 2017 (here's where you can find the post: 2016 - The Year That Was) 2017 was a year of hits and misses. I said I'd go vegetarian for a week. I didn't. I said I'd quit coffee for good. I did. Several times. I … Continue reading 2017: The Year That Was
I didn't think I had any poetry left in me. I was so many smiles on the outside, so many shards on the inside. Then you, with your art, with your poetry, found me. That ship of yours, floating wherever it was, found my shore. I thought I was an island, made of broken shells … Continue reading You Found Me
As far as conversations go, ones with Daz are always refreshing. Illuminating. They rescue me when I'm sinking. What adds an element of fun here, and which is why I never turn down an offer to meet the man, is that I am so easily in my element with him, my universe contracts to just the … Continue reading On The Future
The angst of an artist is the same as that of a scientist. The thirst for more never ceases. Imagination never ceases. The quest for building bigger and better masterpieces never ceases. But what if the creative genius or the brain of a brilliant scientist comes with an expiry? What if 30 is the age … Continue reading What If I’m Too Old Already?
Too many people at the same time exhaust me. Too much energy exhausts me. I am one of those who when asked what I do for fun, promptly reply, "I read." I am also one of those who reply quite confidently, "No, I don't like parties at all." The truth is I have always been … Continue reading The Introvert Factor
Sneaking around the house, after everyone has called it a night, is not without its risks. Here's what happens when you tip-toe around in the dead of the night. If you are me, you are certain to bump into furniture. Stubbing your toe is a given. Followed by an elbow or a shin hit. If … Continue reading Things That Happen When You Sneak About After Midnight
Day, Sunday. The rain, hard. My heart leaps in such weather. It craves for many things - long drives, steaming cups of coffee, the limbs of a lover intertwined with mine. But today I choose none of these. I gear myself in my windcheater instead, grab my phone and earphones and go out for a walk. … Continue reading What You Seek
Fair warning to the reader: Long rant ahead. About life. About non-life. Label it as me PMSing if you must, that is easily the most popular opinion/response I get on thoughts such as these. For others, if there are any such others, I’d love to hear from you if you have a differential diagnosis. I’ve … Continue reading On Existence that is the Same as Non-Existence
Your head is so consumed by thoughts that inactivity sets in. So you find an escape. By walking outdoors. By the sea front. In the rain. And what an experience! The rain kept beating at me incessantly and I kept going. The entire promenade empty, no one else daring to let the rain touch them. … Continue reading Letting the Rain Wash it All Away
So much going on. Not in the physical sense. Not in the external environment. But an upheaval of emotions inside me. A constant stream of thoughts that just won't stop. It is a combination of hurt and disappointment. Because the end came about. When I begin a story in my real life, I never imagine … Continue reading On Catharsis
The constant desire to be some place else lingers. On a hotel bed. Indulging in a foreign cuisine. Being inspired by strangers. Why does the mind not settle? Why does the existing not satiate? Why is there a desire to be larger than life, a bigger person than the one I already am? Why can't … Continue reading Always the Same Desires
Even though I have a hundred tabs open on my browser and my to-do list is lengthier than all the pages contained in the Odyssey, every once in a while I find myself stuck in a rut. Not from a lack of things to do, but from a lack of motivation to do them. Time and … Continue reading 10 Things to Do When You Can’t Figure What to Do
"Lately, I find myself out gazing at stars Hearing guitars, like someone in love Sometimes the things you do astound me Mostly whenever you are around me" ~ Diana Krall Here’s the thing about feelings – they are transitory. One moment you are sulking, feeling small and insignificant, and the next, you are joyous, believing … Continue reading How Do I Feel At the Moment?
I’m sitting at Starbucks with a bunch of ladies sitting on a table next to mine, with two young kids. A boy and a girl. Both around three. Or maybe they are two two-year-olds. I’m bad at guessing ages. So the children are cranky because their mothers and a grandmother are busy chatting. What is … Continue reading On Teaching Children to Read
Dear Parent, I know how important it is to you to see me happy. And you believe that me being married & having kids is the answer to that.I'd like to be married and make babies some day. But I can't tell you when that might happen or with whom or if it might happen … Continue reading An open letter to parents who keep pushing their kids to get married
This was meant to be a handwritten letter. But then it began to run into too many pages. It is also meant to be a personal note, but I thought, there’s nothing like a public declaration of love. So here goes, to the one who said, “I’m yours forever”. I don’t remember what our first … Continue reading Dear S.B.
Charles Chu reads 200 books a year (here’s how he does it). I have people on my Goodreads list who read up to 300 books in the same amount of time. I, on the other hand, read about 50 in a year. Last year I read a measly 21. I know it isn't a numbers … Continue reading I Am Reading Too Slow
July 5, 2016, was the best day of the year past. Because it was one of my worst birthdays ever. I turned 30, the half-mark goal of life (a conservative me pegs my life ending at 60), and I wanted it to be a day I remember. I was afraid that a pessimistic me would mope … Continue reading And the Mascara Stays On
My unhappiness does not stem from tragic or unsavoury situations alone. It also comes from me having a head over my shoulders. From me having a high IQ and high standards. From my ability to think about existential questions. From my potential to see through people in a matter of minutes. From my capacity to feel … Continue reading This Curse of Mine
If I have to pick a single word to describe the year that was - considering no major upsets or joys come my way in the one week that remains - 2016 has been all about introspection. There have been highs of the kinds I’ve never experienced before. And lows of the kind I haven’t … Continue reading 2016: The Year That Was
I loved the age when technology could not touch me, could not pervade my senses, could not creep into my personal space. If someone wanted to reach me on the phone, they would leave messages for me on my landline, and I would call back, at my leisure. When friends made plans, we didn't end up … Continue reading A Girl Reduced to a Series of Texts
Not every headache one has is a migraine. Not every headache I have is a migraine. It's a pity though that people will sometimes claim they are suffering from a migraine when it is, in most likelihood, just a bad headache. A migraine is a lot more than the usual ache at the end of a … Continue reading A Migraine isn’t Just a Headache
So this post is going to be one long rant about everything that is not so good in my life at the moment. Yes, it's a journey into self-pity. Long years past, a then good friend of mine told me, on one of my 'feeling-blue' days, that I was simply wallowing in self-pity. Him saying that … Continue reading On Mute