How Do I Feel At the Moment?

“Lately, I find myself out gazing at stars

Hearing guitars, like someone in love

Sometimes the things you do astound me

Mostly whenever you are around me”

~ Diana Krall

Here’s the thing about feelings – they are transitory. One moment you are sulking, feeling small and insignificant, and the next, you are joyous, believing that nothing could be better.

So like a pendulum swinging from one end to the other, I transitioned from low to high in the past few days.

I have a great friend who is teaching me an important life skill (or shall I call it a survival skill?) He is teaching me to be practical. I am a “feelings-over-facts” or “heart-over-head” sort of woman. I allow myself to explore the depths of my feelings, enjoy those sensations and I’m sensitive to others.

But it also means that sometimes I get caught up in the mess of my own thoughts. I grew up in a sheltered, “bubble-wrapped” world. So after I became an adult? I still crave that cotton-filled world. But reality is so starkly different and sometimes it leaves hurt and disappointment in its wake.

I get attached, oh so easily. Not just to people. To places – like Starbucks, like this one Starbucks in particular. To things – like my Mac; it accompanies me everywhere I go.

And attachment then brings with it this constant yearning. That I do not like. At all.

I wish instead I can fall in love. To be liberated by that which makes me happy, not be encumbered by it. To be present in the moment and enjoy what I’m experiencing instead of bothering about what happened at an earlier hour or fret about what will happen at a later one. The day I can master this art, I’d be at peace with myself, my life and the universe. I wonder if this is what they call Nirvana.

So how exactly do I feel at the moment? Like I need a class in being more practical, logical and less consumed by feelings.

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