There was this time more than a decade ago, when I was completely care-free, full of life. The day began on an eager note and went by, as I frolicked about loving everything that came my way. My imagination then was limited but I kept accumulating my day’s thoughts at the back of my mind, which years later would come gushing back before my eyes every time I was feeling low. All this was a life before the age of reason began.
Childhood is indeed an age of innocence. You know less so you question a lot. You are inquisitive and you have a desire to know everything there is to know. That is an age when you want to learn.
But then dawns the dark hour which I call the age of reason, where every time you learn something new you counter it with a reason. ‘Everything needs to have a reason.’ This is a thought that is embedded in your brain and then no questions go unanswered without a reason. As a child I remember I took interest in the minute details that life offered. The sights, the sounds, the smells. The warmth of my mother’s hug or the hysterical laughter when I was tickled. That was a time when everything I learnt was thanks to the little intricacies that life offers. But when I learnt the word ‘reason’ I pushed back everything else into the background. My world was still colored but it didn’t appear the same. Rather I had stopped noticing. Now I went everywhere looking for a reason. I was losing on the intricacies and was instead focusing on a superficial world that ran on reasons.
Sadly on most days it a reason that serves to mark my mood. Happy, sad, ecstatic, depressed, upset, joyous…every thing comes about by means of reasons.
I look back to those days when I didn’t know and understand a reason. There was so much happiness then. There still is….but once again it only comes about if there is a reason. They say you shouldn’t look back into the past. But the truth is if I stopped looking back I would never learn. I have come a long way off and my journey will take me even further beyond from where I had started. The only thing I crave for from the past is the innocence lining my life. Here again I’m painting it with a reason.